I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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