I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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