He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
