we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
