i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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