You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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