as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
