Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
