my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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