Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
