its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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