you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
