so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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