there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
