one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize