So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
