i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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