dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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