u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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