We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
