I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Still dying that you shit outside
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize