Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
