I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
