is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
