using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
