woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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