And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
