Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
