omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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