next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
