I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
