dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
