You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
