It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
