I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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