talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
