Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
