My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
