I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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