It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
