why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
