but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
