I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
