I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
