with your own penis?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my shit smells like andre
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
