Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
