she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
