we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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