I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
