I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize