I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think people are normalizing furries
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
