i would punch a child for taco bell
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize