And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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