I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i out mim tonsoeep
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
