I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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