There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
