he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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