May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
