i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
