I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
