if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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