Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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