my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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