Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't deserve a penis
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
