I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
