um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize