Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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